Thursday, November 18, 2004
More Evidence
I woke up this morning feeling as if I have a hangover. My eyes burn, throat is scratchy and tight, my gut unsettled. Most of it is from being in a small space with three people who smoke for three hours yesterday while computer ‘doctoring’. The tooth is still throbbing too, in fact the whole side of my face hurts. I know it will all be better with my first sip of coffee. Coffee is the elixir of life. Somehow being fully charged makes it easier to ignore pain.
It’s the fatigue level that’s bothering me. I remember waking up last night around two a.m. I remember turning on the light to read. That’s it. I don’t remember Eyvonne coming to bed, turning out the light or cuddling up to her. But I do have a vague recollection of wandering around the house in the dark.
Sometimes I wish I could smoke. I really want a ciggie right now. It’s kind of ironic, an Indian being allergic to tobacco. But when I smudge or smoke a ceremonial pipe nothing bad happens. It’s when I’m trapped inside with people who smoke for more than a few minutes that things go wrong.
It’s not just tobacco either. I can’t tolerate any nightshade family plants. Tobacco is in the nightshade family foods along with tomatoes, potatoes, green, red, yellow or any kind of hot peppers, eggplant and paprika. I don’t eat any of those things but the last one.
You cannot eat food in America without ingesting the last one. If you don’t believe me start reading ingredient panels. You’ll see oleoresin paprika on a lot of them. They use it on the tops of bread loaves to get that nice rich brown color. It’s in a lot of foods to add color like hot dogs and frozen dinners. It’s in even more to add a spicy flavor. If the ingredients list “spice” you can bet it’s paprika.
Thankfully it’s the one thing on the list we are least reactive to. Sneaky potato flour is more of a problem. It’s in a lot of breads, cakes, gravies and crackers. It’s in those weirdly tasteless ‘onion rings’ sold next to chips.
Needless to say going out to eat is loads of fun for me. Waitresses never know the ingredients used in things. And even if I explain I don’t want any tomato garnish. Ketchup or French fries with my food, even if they’re part of the meal some prep cook in the kitchen always decides my plate looks too empty so they surround my sandwich with potato chips.
It’s hard even for people who know about it to remember.
Eyvonne held her fast food fries across the table once and announced cheerfully “I didn’t put any ketchup on these so you could have some.”
“Umm, aren’t French fries still made from potatoes?” I asked.
Sometimes the seemingly most innocent foods get me. I ate a pickled egg from deli. Ten minutes later I was sweating, all my joints hurt, and I was on the verge of hallucinating. When she’s really pissed at me Eyvonne offers to buy me a pickled egg.
The most common reaction is my joints swell up and burn. If I eat a handful of chips or a tablespoon of ketchup I will feel the effects for 72 hours. And we all feel it, so we know it must be massive. I can’t drink milk or use most dairy products in any quantity either. A glass of milk a week is about my max. I can eat ice cream, cheese and yogurt if I don’t overdo it. Too much in one day and it’s like I have the flu.
And I have these weird food allergies why?
Because I’m Indian.
Lots of us have the same types of problems. The sad thing is most don’t know why they feel like crap. Mainstream health providers don’t have a clue.
We served on a state health board as a minority representative. There was one other person of Indian descent serving on that board. The state wasn’t too worried. Everyone knows there aren’t any Indians in Pennsylvania.
When Eyvonne and I teach seminars on genealogy we always stress it’s important to know if you’re a Native American descendent.
It’s not about getting a BIA card and trying to get something for free from the government. That doesn’t happen anyway unless you can prove your ancestor was registered on a government roll. Those of us whose ancestors didn’t end up on reservations to be counted won’t get a card anyway. We’re not ‘real’ Indians to the government.
We’d be ‘real’ Indians to a forensic anthropologist. I can reel off a dozen things that would tip them off from the shape of my teeth to the extra ridge of bone that runs along the side of my foot.
It’s important to know your family members could be allergic to nightshade plants, or are at high risk for developing diabetes. Your child might be severely lactose intolerant. Owl can’t digest dairy foods at all. As a child he failed to grow for almost a year before we figured it out. Some Indians can’t properly digest wheat or other grains of European origin. Native Americans and Asians have a higher than normal risk for a little known condition called moya moya disease that mimics strokes. Treating moya moya as a stroke can kill the patient.
And you thought my life was complex because I’m multiple? Even given our present circumstances, with Pleiades and his unknown agenda up all hours of the night, I wouldn’t trade it for being a singleton. We like being who we are.
There is the risk that Pleiades is that rage filled alter Dr. Dwon always warned us about. But I figure it’s a really small risk.
Eyvonne said yesterday during one of my low points, “We’ve been through this before. It’ll be all right.”
Mostly I agree with her. We’ve never had an alter who let us discern their existence and then went back into hiding. Letting us know they’re around indicates they already know about us and they’re ready to come into the system. they typically know how to do at least the job tey were 'born' to do. That includes knowing any skill needed to perform that job.
The wild card is someone like Ian.
On some level I understand that Ian is me, as el is me, as Lillie is me. But not. Experientially we’re not one person.
It’s no longer important for us to unravel all the threads of how we got this way. We’ve done enough hard work to understand the why of our existence. Now it’s more important to keep system healthy. We have a good life. Why would we want any of us left out of that?
The biggest question I have is why now? What brought Pleiades to seek us out now? We are capable of spawning alters of the moment’s need. They typically don’t know a whole lot about anything except the event they were ‘born’ to handle. Most integrate after a very short time with one of us. Which makes sense as they split off very recently.
Other alters split off earlier in our lives for specific reasons. Most had tasks or jobs of some sort. Like el acting as our CPU. In a simplistic sense he is Qs brain, Lillie is Qs heart and Baby is our soul. I was born to handle security.
One of the mysteries to me for a long time was why all the sleeping babies? Who were Ian’s charges? We were seeing a local therapist when Ian showed up. “I think each baby represents an abusive incident,” she said.
I reacted so violently against that concept I knew she was right. Over a hundred sleeping babies. It made me weep. I was and am ever grateful to them, and to Ian, and Jamie Lee and all the others who kept us sane and moving forward.
Human adaptability to survive as individuals and a species is hotwired into the brain’s core. It’s truly amazing what we can endure and triumph over.
© 2004 M. S. Eliot
It’s the fatigue level that’s bothering me. I remember waking up last night around two a.m. I remember turning on the light to read. That’s it. I don’t remember Eyvonne coming to bed, turning out the light or cuddling up to her. But I do have a vague recollection of wandering around the house in the dark.
Sometimes I wish I could smoke. I really want a ciggie right now. It’s kind of ironic, an Indian being allergic to tobacco. But when I smudge or smoke a ceremonial pipe nothing bad happens. It’s when I’m trapped inside with people who smoke for more than a few minutes that things go wrong.
It’s not just tobacco either. I can’t tolerate any nightshade family plants. Tobacco is in the nightshade family foods along with tomatoes, potatoes, green, red, yellow or any kind of hot peppers, eggplant and paprika. I don’t eat any of those things but the last one.
You cannot eat food in America without ingesting the last one. If you don’t believe me start reading ingredient panels. You’ll see oleoresin paprika on a lot of them. They use it on the tops of bread loaves to get that nice rich brown color. It’s in a lot of foods to add color like hot dogs and frozen dinners. It’s in even more to add a spicy flavor. If the ingredients list “spice” you can bet it’s paprika.
Thankfully it’s the one thing on the list we are least reactive to. Sneaky potato flour is more of a problem. It’s in a lot of breads, cakes, gravies and crackers. It’s in those weirdly tasteless ‘onion rings’ sold next to chips.
Needless to say going out to eat is loads of fun for me. Waitresses never know the ingredients used in things. And even if I explain I don’t want any tomato garnish. Ketchup or French fries with my food, even if they’re part of the meal some prep cook in the kitchen always decides my plate looks too empty so they surround my sandwich with potato chips.
It’s hard even for people who know about it to remember.
Eyvonne held her fast food fries across the table once and announced cheerfully “I didn’t put any ketchup on these so you could have some.”
“Umm, aren’t French fries still made from potatoes?” I asked.
Sometimes the seemingly most innocent foods get me. I ate a pickled egg from deli. Ten minutes later I was sweating, all my joints hurt, and I was on the verge of hallucinating. When she’s really pissed at me Eyvonne offers to buy me a pickled egg.
The most common reaction is my joints swell up and burn. If I eat a handful of chips or a tablespoon of ketchup I will feel the effects for 72 hours. And we all feel it, so we know it must be massive. I can’t drink milk or use most dairy products in any quantity either. A glass of milk a week is about my max. I can eat ice cream, cheese and yogurt if I don’t overdo it. Too much in one day and it’s like I have the flu.
And I have these weird food allergies why?
Because I’m Indian.
Lots of us have the same types of problems. The sad thing is most don’t know why they feel like crap. Mainstream health providers don’t have a clue.
We served on a state health board as a minority representative. There was one other person of Indian descent serving on that board. The state wasn’t too worried. Everyone knows there aren’t any Indians in Pennsylvania.
When Eyvonne and I teach seminars on genealogy we always stress it’s important to know if you’re a Native American descendent.
It’s not about getting a BIA card and trying to get something for free from the government. That doesn’t happen anyway unless you can prove your ancestor was registered on a government roll. Those of us whose ancestors didn’t end up on reservations to be counted won’t get a card anyway. We’re not ‘real’ Indians to the government.
We’d be ‘real’ Indians to a forensic anthropologist. I can reel off a dozen things that would tip them off from the shape of my teeth to the extra ridge of bone that runs along the side of my foot.
It’s important to know your family members could be allergic to nightshade plants, or are at high risk for developing diabetes. Your child might be severely lactose intolerant. Owl can’t digest dairy foods at all. As a child he failed to grow for almost a year before we figured it out. Some Indians can’t properly digest wheat or other grains of European origin. Native Americans and Asians have a higher than normal risk for a little known condition called moya moya disease that mimics strokes. Treating moya moya as a stroke can kill the patient.
And you thought my life was complex because I’m multiple? Even given our present circumstances, with Pleiades and his unknown agenda up all hours of the night, I wouldn’t trade it for being a singleton. We like being who we are.
There is the risk that Pleiades is that rage filled alter Dr. Dwon always warned us about. But I figure it’s a really small risk.
Eyvonne said yesterday during one of my low points, “We’ve been through this before. It’ll be all right.”
Mostly I agree with her. We’ve never had an alter who let us discern their existence and then went back into hiding. Letting us know they’re around indicates they already know about us and they’re ready to come into the system. they typically know how to do at least the job tey were 'born' to do. That includes knowing any skill needed to perform that job.
The wild card is someone like Ian.
On some level I understand that Ian is me, as el is me, as Lillie is me. But not. Experientially we’re not one person.
It’s no longer important for us to unravel all the threads of how we got this way. We’ve done enough hard work to understand the why of our existence. Now it’s more important to keep system healthy. We have a good life. Why would we want any of us left out of that?
The biggest question I have is why now? What brought Pleiades to seek us out now? We are capable of spawning alters of the moment’s need. They typically don’t know a whole lot about anything except the event they were ‘born’ to handle. Most integrate after a very short time with one of us. Which makes sense as they split off very recently.
Other alters split off earlier in our lives for specific reasons. Most had tasks or jobs of some sort. Like el acting as our CPU. In a simplistic sense he is Qs brain, Lillie is Qs heart and Baby is our soul. I was born to handle security.
One of the mysteries to me for a long time was why all the sleeping babies? Who were Ian’s charges? We were seeing a local therapist when Ian showed up. “I think each baby represents an abusive incident,” she said.
I reacted so violently against that concept I knew she was right. Over a hundred sleeping babies. It made me weep. I was and am ever grateful to them, and to Ian, and Jamie Lee and all the others who kept us sane and moving forward.
Human adaptability to survive as individuals and a species is hotwired into the brain’s core. It’s truly amazing what we can endure and triumph over.
© 2004 M. S. Eliot
