nanowrimo madness

Losing an entire day is pretty high up on the dissociative scale. It has us worried. The implication is that someone outside the Q system is taking ops. Alters who have hidden a long time can be curious, but are they are often extremely secretive. Most lurk around grabbing blinks of time until they understand who the major players in our outside life are, what we do and how things work. They generally start coming out around Eyvonne. By that time we’ve usually noticed enough clues to be suspicious that something is up. We’re alert and ready for it.
This recent stealing of a whole day feels slightly more hostile. It has me watching over my shoulder inside which makes me a little less attentive outside. It ups the anty for weirdness to happen.
I’ve started examining the last few weeks in more detail and keeping a better eye on who/what/where/when as each day progresses. I can’t shake suspicions about our new sleep pattern. For the first time in our lives we’re sleeping six hours or more a night on a regular basis. But are we really in bed snoring all night? There is precedence. Several emerging alters explored the outside world while the rest of us slept. Usually it doesn’t matter but in one case it nearly got us killed.
It started when with whispers of laughter and singing. We could all hear it. We got glimpses of a young girl dancing in what we perceive inside as sunlight. Blink and you missed her. I started watching, just as now I’m watching now, for some one to tip their hand.
My sleep was haunted by her laughter. Finally, after weeks of assessing our trustworthiness, Jamie Lee danced into full view and stayed there. I realized she wasn’t really dancing but her motions were so graceful she appeared to be. She was a young, slender, dark-haired beauty with snapping blue eyes. But her impishness concealed strength no one dared challenge. I recognized the demeanor of a Protector. But who does she protect, I wondered. When I asked Jamie Lee stared as if I were totally mad.
“You are Guardian of all, Protector of all. How could you not know?” She asked.
I blushed and turned away. She grasped my arm.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I really thought you knew. The babes. I protect our sleeping babies. There are a lot of them.”
I drew her close. The tenderness of the moment drew everyone in. Lillie and el appeared together. Gwen and the l’ilones stepped out of the forest like a doe and her fawns, ‘rion following. We each hugged Jamie Lee bringing her fully into the system.
Thank you, Jamie Lee, we mindtouched. Thank you for protecting our babies, for protecting us. But I sensed there was more to know. I remained hyper alert.
Soon after on a warm summer night several of us were sharing ops scanning the sky for meteors and sipping Guinness. It was after midnight.
el and I competed for the highest nightly tally of meteors. He usually won.
“It’s only ‘cause you’re practically blind. Half what you see probably aren’t even meteors el!” I protested.
He grinned. “You could be right.”
Suddenly ‘rion startled. A muscular young man sat beside him. Taking advantage of ‘ri’s surprise, the boy grabbed ops and chugged the Guinness.
Who the hell are you? ‘rion mindtouched.
OK, not exactly welcoming but if someone suddenly appeared next to you and swiped your beer how would you react?
Our newest Q’s response sounded garbled. None of us could decode it. I started to sweat. He had ops with a vengeance. I couldn’t even get a toehold to regain control. I was scared he’d lock us completely. On the bright side he seemed to like Guinness. You can hardly be a Q if you don’t like it.
A tractor trailer rumbled by on the highway and the boy was on his feet in a flash spilling a bit of Guinness in the process.
Mither’agod wha’ were that? His mindtouched. His panic resonated through the entire system. Now everyone in the system was awake and frightened. I caught a glimpse of Gwen catching l’ilones and herding them back to bed.
‘rion attempted to regain ops and failed.
We may have a situation, ‘rion mindtouched me.
No shit, I responded. At least we could still see and hear what was going on outside and we could mindtouch inside. A couple of emerging alters were able to block inner communications, which made it difficult to reassure them or share anything. ‘rion and I joined forces and pushed for ops together. The boy swatted us away like an annoying insect.
Crap, I said.
‘rion agreed.
Another truck went by. The boy hid. The body shook with his fear. True to Q form he drained the bottle.
Hey dude, don’t get us drunk that would be seriously uncool, I warned.
“Wh’re’m I?” the boy asked aloud. He had a distinct sort of Irish brogue.
The sound of his own voice startled him. He didn’t seem to grasp the difference between outer reality and our inner world. Suddenly Jamie Lee was at his side. Arms crossed she glared at ‘rion and I.
Leave him alone, she warned.
We won’t hurt him. We just want to get acquainted, I assured her.
This is my twin, Ian Lee, she said.
Jamie, lass, wha’s happenin’? Ian mindtouched.
She wound her arms around his neck.
It’s all right sweet Ian. It’s time. I’ve been checking this out for a while. The babies are safe.
“How can you be sure?” he asked aloud with a sharp intake of breath.
“I just know. I’m done protecting them and you don’t need to guard them anymore. We can let them go, we can be free now,” she said.
She vanished without warning, her signature exit. Ian blinked owlishly at the rest of us. He took a step back regarding another truck racing up the mountain. This time he stood his ground and watched.
I mindtouched el privately, This could be tricky. He’s unstable as hell and scared witless. Why didn’t Jamie Lee stay?
I don’t know Shel, but I have an idea they aren’t ever really very far apart, el said.
He asked the others to give Ian and I privacy. I was worried. Ian still had a stranglehold on ops and his response once he understood our situation was a wild card. Ian met my gaze.
Where am I? What is this place? he demanded.
I tried sending him soothing thoughts.
We’re kind of a family, but we share one body. Right now you’re in control of that body, I said.
He blinked in disbelief. His expression made me shiver. Ian, look around you outside, what do you see? I prompted.
Nothin’ familiar, Ian whispered. His fear surged hit me like a detonation.
“Where’s me babies?” Ian wailed aloud into the night.
Think of them. Reach them with your mind like you’re talking to me. Mindtouch them and you’ll see them. That’s how it works Ian. Are they safe? I asked.
Ian’s face softened. “Aye, me wee ones are sleepin’ sweet,” he said.
I tried getting closer hoping to grab ops from him but Ian whirled on me, fists ready for a brawl.“Stan’ y’r groun’,” he warned.
I sighed. This could be a long night.
Ian, I’m Q’s system protector. Just like Jamie Lee protects the babies and you, I protect the whole system, all of us in Q. You have nothing to fear from me. Think hard. Reach out like you did with the babies but deeper. I’m sure you know me. I help Jamie Lee protect. I’m a Guardian too, like you. I’m the only one in Q who is both. Come on Ian, try! I urged.
He still regarded me suspiciously.
Jamie Lee trusts me, I said, wishing she’d come back and prove it.Ian softened his defensive stance a tiny bit. Ha ya got an’a mar beer? he asked.
Maybe later, I said with a grin. I patted the ground and Ian dropped warily beside me.
el can let you tap our collective memory. Let him show you Ian. You’ll understand better, I said.
Ian nodded uncertainly. Sometime between a sigh and a lifetime later he understood. But knowing the truth devastated him. He hid his face in his arms and wept.
I ‘m suppos’d t’guard th’ babies. Wha’ will I do now? Wha’ about me babes? Must they all wake, grow up? Ian demanded.
I don’t know, I whispered. We’ll know in time. Suddenly I saw what he saw, a hundred or more babies wrapped in blankets, sleeping amongst the roots of a huge tree. I was overwhelmed by Ian’s task. I knew he’d readily die to spare them pain, just as I would for Q.
It would hurt ‘em too much. I can’t let that happen, Ian said.
Maybe it has to happen Ian. Jamie Lee said it was time, I said.
A light winked on in the house. Eyvonne woke to discover her beloved Q was not inside. Even though it was now 3 a.m. she wasn’t overly concerned. She was accustomed to our nocturnal forays. She called softly from the doorway. “Q?”
Answer her Ian, I urged, desperate for Eyvonne’s help.
I don’t belong here. I belong wi’the babies, Ian said. I want t’go home.
Another truck barreled down the highway. Ian strode purposefully toward it. I ran alongside.
IAN! Stop! Kill yourself and you kill us all! Even the babies! I shrieked.
Ian slowed at the last possible moment. The truck roared past. A latter-day dragon, the truck’s hot breath buffeted our body, still under Ian’s command. I couldn’t believe we were still standing. Our heart was racing. We could barely breathe.
Ian, you’d be responsible for the babies’ deaths. For my death. For el’s, Lillie’s, Gwen’s, Baby’s, ‘rion’s, Jamie Lee’s and all the Q’s still hiding out there somewhere beyond the system. Is it fair for you to kill us all?
I remembered when it was me wanting, el pleading for life. el wanting and Lillie pleading. Was this the last time? Would Eyvonne find us crumpled in the road?
It’ll ‘urt ‘em less than stayin’ here, Ian said with a shrug. They’ll be born inta new lives, wi’ bodies a their own. I will too. It’ll be much better.
I wept with frustration as another truck bore down the mountain. Ian squared his shoulders.
Ian, it’ll hurt! I said.
It was lame but it was all I could think to say. Try thinking rationally standing in the path of an 18-wheeler.
Only f’r a moment lad, he said kindly.
He stepped further onto the road.
eliot! I can’t stop him! I shrieked.
He and ‘rion added their weight to my mine.
We were blinded by headlights but we had ops. Ian was fighting to gain control again. We stumbled and fell. Wind from the truck backlashed us. We were curled up on the white line.
Give the babies a chance Ian. Give us all a chance, I said.
The winking out of the outer world when he lost ops astounded Ian.
‘ow ‘d you do that? Where did it go? Are you wizards?
I pointed at el. I was hiccuping something between sobs and laughter.
No, only him, I said.
We managed a retreat to the yard before Ian gained ops again. Like most newcomers he had raw strength. We couldn’t force him to do anything for very long. In Ian’s case his strength was amplified by his role as a Guardian. Fighting him was futile. He would either accept his place in the Q system or not.
I tried a strategy I learned from Monty Roberts to gain the trust of horses. Advance and retreat. When Ian listened quietly I retreated. When Ian challenged me I pushed him steadily away. By morning he was tentatively willing to align himself with the rest of us. He handed me ops and abruptly disappeared. I knew he’d be back. This kid was a major force.
Once he decided to truly become part of the system Ian integrated with his sleeping charges. He just put his arms out and drew them in. He said it was better that way. It was a solution that worked for all of us.
Ian had a lot of interesting traits besides being almost unintelligible most of the time. He felt pain in a normal manner, the only Q to do so. If we thought we might be sick he could confirm or deny it. He was nearly always warm. He could run around outside in the dead of winter comfortably without a coat. He rode our horses in an archaic style we learned was once called ‘sidepass’. He won Scrabble games using archaic Celtic words that were still in the dictionary. And he remembered a past life. He was the first of us to remember such a thing in detail.
Several of us remembered things we believed stemmed from former lives. Bits and pieces really. But Ian remembered a lot and in rich detail. Our therapist at the time was convinced he was proof that at least some of us had lived other lives, only awakening in this lifetime to protect this lifetime’s child from abuse. It works for me. It feels right. And our clanmother says it’s a traditional way of understanding multiplicity.
In the far back time people like us were thought to have great medicine. Many were psychic and adept at traveling in the spirit world. They were often healers. That pretty much describes el.
© 2004 M. S. Eliot